Had another fall today, off the ‘super-safe-wonder-pony’ as well.
Helicopter was flying low over us, she spooked and ran out sideways underneath me.
I’m rather sore again, especially considering I landed on the side I fell on in December as well. I can sit, I can walk, but I can’t bend forward, so will be interesting to see how riding goes tomorrow.
3 days before our first competition as well! Something tells me we are not yet ready, but I need to do this for my self confidence. I need to start competing again.
So am feeling very low at the moment, disappointed in myself for falling and not being more aware of my surroundings, disappointed that I didn’t stop when I though enough was enough, disappointed that I was unhappy with her canter so asked for more from her.
It’s ok, we’ll be ok … I hope.
i can’t look at a horse without feeling pain.
i can’t look at a picture of you without feeling like my heart is being torn into pieces.
i feel no joy in anything anymore.
i have lost so much in my life,
but losing you has been the hardest.
I hate being a horse dentist.
I hate how vulnerable I feel when I’m doing it.
How at any second you can get hurt.
How nervous and anxious it makes me feel, going through potential scenarios over and over in my head.
I hate it.
Yet I still do it for ‘friends’.
Why can’t I just fucking say no for once in my life.